There exists a perfect place.
It is located on planet Earth, in a movie, in Thailand. It is filled with colorful characters that make up all the necessary components for an interesting story: drug dealers with large guns, sexual deviants, big ass sharks, men with English accents talking a lot about cricket, and one of the most gorgeous cinnamon-skinned honeydips to ever grace the silver screen. The motion picture is dutifully anchored with an indelible performance from our beloved twink hunk, Leonardo DiCaprio. It is not a perfect movie, they are not perfect people, but it is a perfect beach.
But Earth has failed us.
When we left the planet in search of a better future, there were endless flavors of floating rock to park your rotting carcass upon and wither away in peace, but my ship wanted more. We wanted all the earthly delights we were promised in our favorite films and albums of our collective youths. We wanted another shot at an exemplary Earth. We found our new planet, we discussed our vision, and came to a consensus on our ideal dwelling. And so we built it, and it was good.
Welcome to Space Beach.
This is an exact replica of the famous beach in the film, in space. Do whatever you damn want. Get drunk with the British guy, spear some fish, flirt with the locals, live free.
-Space Grim